Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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