sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
