I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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