haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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