a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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