Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
