I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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