my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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