This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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