I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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