Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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