hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Houston, we have a blender
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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