Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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