Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
