i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pooping to opera.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
