Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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