Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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