I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
