NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
