Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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