if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
