yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize