We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
BRING THE BAGELS
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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