Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ketchup is God's man juice
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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