My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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