he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
