I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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