Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
