Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
