she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize