hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
