atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
