I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
