Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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