So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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