the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
