Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
