that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
