Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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