I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
