Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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