hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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