____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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