I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
