he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
