You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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