So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
