In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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