Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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