Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
