please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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