is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
