A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
