I'm lost and stupid without you.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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