guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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