I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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