so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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