He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
