i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
