Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
