you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
