its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
