This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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