you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
