I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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