what day is it and did you see me today?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
