we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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