Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize