Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
