I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
