Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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