found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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