found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
