Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize