well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
