Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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