he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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