I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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