i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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