Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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