i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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