She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
