just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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