As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
