in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
