he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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