Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
