my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize