There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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