Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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