my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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