I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
