Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
