If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
well you can't waste a boner
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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