At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
