the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
