So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
false alarm, still single
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
