I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Operation Purity has been aborted
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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