Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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