youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
