just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
