areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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