nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
false alarm, still single
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
