I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
